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I'm Too Ugly for CCM, Too Stupid for TBN (Church Basement Mix)

from SNAPSHOTS: LIVE & HALF​-​PLUGGED Expanded Reissue by Johnny J Blair "Singer at Large"

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about

This controversial number generated some mail from people who hated it or didn't get it. It's a tongue in cheek check on "the evangelical subculture" of American Christendom, expressed forcefully through carefully groomed radio and media (CCM) and television (TBN). It's a world where everyone is pretty, gives money without question, and theological scholasticism is optional (actually, you don't want to be "too smart" if hard truth causes trouble).

The song got airplay on a Christian talk radio program--notably, THE WHITE HORSE INN hosted by Michael Horton--while others blew it off or blasted it. I'm glad to stir things up, and I'm glad people listened, even if they got riled up.

Musically, it has a Beach Boys and Larry Norman stamp. The title was inspired by a Waylon Jennings song, "Too Dum for New York, Too Ugly for LA."

lyrics

TOO UGLY FOR CCM, TOO STUPID FOR TBN by JJ Blair copyright 2002

Chorus:
I’m too ugly for CCM
I’m too stupid for TBN
I ask too many questions and I don’t fit in
All that’s left is say Amen! (Amen)

Verse:
I turn on the radio to hear a little soul
But all I get is a milky scroll
Playlisting salt-free spiritual schtick
I’m too unrefined for your satellite clique
I go to the bookstore to get Beatitudes
But the shelves are full of cute platitudes
Seeking sanctuary away from payola
I ran into a church but it seemed like a casino

Refrain:
You say you don’t care about doctrine at all
Jesus hangs next to you on the wall
As your congregation scurries and shouts
Which Jesus are you singing about?

Chorus 2:
I’m too ugly for CCM
I’m too stupid for TBN
I don’t look like a model and I don’t fit in
All that’s left is say Amen! (Amen)

Verse:
They got thousands of members and 50 million watts
Dropping their tithes like playing the slots
Using Bible words with just enough twist
Give more and God owes you a blessing fix
This gospel is New Age syncretistic
Pass the cash and apply more lipstick
I might be picky, take too many pains
But when did God give us air for brains?

Refrain 2 :
You say you don’t care about doctrine at all
Jesus hangs next to you on the wall
As your congregation scurries and shouts
Which Jesus are you singing about?

Chorus 2:
I’m too ugly for CCM
I’m too stupid for TBN
I read too much and I don’t fit in
All that’s left is say Amen! (Amen)

Verse:
Paul told the Romans leave the world behind
To be transformed and have a testing mind
We have the Holy Book that tells us how
To tell a true prophet from a sacred cow
Your Man of God is beyond reproach
I see Christian bodyguards lining his coach
Modern mega-church it just gives me the willies
I’m just too dum to get these new prophecies

2nd Refrain:
The prophets said the troubles
Come from blowing bubbles
With an illiterate brood
A healing mesmerist
Gives us experience
But what about the truth?

Chorus 3:
I’m too ugly for CCM
I’m too stupid for TBN
I care too much and I don’t fit in
All that’s left is say Amen! (Amen)
All that’s left is say Amen!

credits

from SNAPSHOTS: LIVE & HALF​-​PLUGGED Expanded Reissue, released September 11, 2003
Cassie Blair: tambourine, harmony vocals
JJB: percussion, piano, vocals

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Johnny J Blair "Singer at Large" San Francisco, California

"Johnny is a virtuoso"--Brian Wilson
"Pop music with a conscience.”--Goldmine
“the Harry Houdini of rock and roll.”-- Spotlight. Listen to Johnny's fast-paced mix of old school soul, psychedelia, punk/new wave, & classic pop/rock. Singer-songwriter in his own right, he was also a sideman for Davy Jones and The Monkees + performed with David Cassidy, Al Stewart, Buddy & Julie Miller, & others. ... more

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